Knock three times on the ceiling if you want me...twice on the pipe if the answer is no?

So what do you do if someone knocks on your door and you don't want them? Last week a very strange first happened to me. There was a knock on the door and I found an unexpected visitor. My roommate and her current lady friend had just left to go to the store and I was running around the house half naked getting ready for our night out when I heard the knock. Assuming it was my roomie and perhaps she had forgotten something I opened the door without checking the peep hole.

There on my doorstep was a vaguely familiar black man. I hid my undressed body behind the door and peered at him with caution. He asked how I was and if he could come in. I said no and cited my nakedness as the reason. We talked through the two inch opening in the door and he told me he had lost his phone and desperately wanted my number again. I stared blankly both in shock that someone would show up on my doorstep just to get my number and at the fact that I couldn't quite place him or remember when he would have had it in the first place.

I politely told him I was dating someone (or someones) and that I was sorry, but he had to leave numberless. As he begrudgingly walked off he told me it was ok because soon it wouldn't work out and that he was the only man for me.

As I closed the door I finally placed his face. This wasn't a man that I had decided to date or one that I was even interested in. Oh no. This was the man that my lesbian (ok she's bi, but she loves the ladies and only goes for boys when she has no other options) roommate had brought over and out with us one night when she needed a little loving to bide the time in between lady lovers. The same guy who hit on me the whole time. The same guy whose dick she sucked in our kitchen with me unknowingly present on the balcony. The same guy that she left sleeping on the couch the next day when she left for work. The same guy who she said she knew for months and trusted, but who couldn't remember her name. The same guy who desperately climbed into my bed after she left as I lay sleeping and tried to beg me to give him a chance. The same guy I had to boot out of my home.

The funny thing is even though I would never date him due to a lack of physical attraction and the blatant fact that I can't have my roomie's left overs I started to wonder if maybe I should have  given him my number. After all I'm usually on the bad end of a one night stand or being stood up for dates and this guy liked me so much he hoofed it to my apartment all for my digits.

Nothing's gonna hold me down oh oh I've got to keep on moving!

It's been awhile since I've blogged. To be quite honest there are a multitude of reasons why. The first is because I'm sensitive. I've been strong for many years, but when people call me names or say mean things I revert back to that little girl being bullied on the playground or maybe more like that sad teenager being bullied by her mother. I've been receiving blog comments from Fenton. They are always negative, sometimes to close to true and even insightful in their meanness. They make me want to give up and so I did for a bit.

I started feeling like maybe it was wrong to put myself out here so publicly. Since I've pretty much only received negative feedback from this random stranger it seemed pointless to continue. Obviously reading my blog leads people to certain assumptions. By now you've probably realized I've had too many sexual partners. Maybe you think I'm reckless, stupid, slutty or just crazy, but maybe a small percentage of you will see who I really am inside and why I'm writing this. Yes I'm sometimes childish, delusional, pathetic, self glorifying, you name it really, but I'm self aware. Something most people can't claim to be. I know who I am. I know my mistakes. I'm not afraid to share them because I know they were made with the best of intentions.

So I'm back and if you don't like it you can go right ahead and fuck yourself. Why waste your time reading and commenting if you hate me so much?