If men are like buses than how do I catch one?

That was actually a title of christian dating book I read in high school (I currently do not associate with any religion and am instead a highly spiritual person who draws from many religious backgrounds), but it seems fitting right now after my date with the bus driver. I guess I can't really call it a date when we skipped five million bases and decided we should take a nap together at his home because we both had early and long work days. I would have to say that these are probably not the situations a sensible girl puts herself in, but my quest for love has often times left me senseless. Maybe I should take a minute to make a small sidebar and warn those reading that my life is not ideal. My choices with men may be very different than yours. I have indeed been far to likely to engage in promiscuity than most, but in my defense it has always been because I think it leads to love. I've done waiting (as long as a year, he left me two days later). My end result always seems to be the same so now I do what feels good, what my silly little brain thinks is right, what I sometimes feel pressured to do or just what I want to do feeling like an empowered woman. It all depends on the given moment. If these choices are too much for you or you feel the need to preach another way to me please move on. This blog isn't here so that you can pass judgment it's here so I can share my stories and hopefully help others and myself along the way while inspiring a few laughs. Back to the story at hand. We "napped" it was nice. Kissing him was nice. I felt safe (a huge plus), I felt myself looking past a few things that weren't my usual "type" and I pictured the possibilities of a future. He has a steady job, owns a home, has a cute dog, goals, dreams and seems to be serious. So of course I immediately found a way to screw it up. Self sabotage is kinda my specialty. I got mad. He wasn't showing enough affection and I took it personally even though in reality it was probably because it was hot or he was nervous and he was telling me his dreams. His ideas for the future of his home. He was sharing and opening up, but I didn't feel like he liked me enough to be thinking ahead about whether or not I could be in the future. Being a planner and a romantic I always instantly picture a man in my life just to see what it would be like. If I don't like what I see I move on. *Note to self...Guys don't think the way crazy ass over-thinking girls do. So I ended up leaving. He didn't ask me to stay. I did it on principal. I didn't want to go. I made it awkward because I knew no other way of doing it. I kissed him on the cheek out of spite. To prove a point. He was upset about it, but I didn't give in. I wanted to be chased. I wanted to feel wanted. That has always been what it's come down to. I want to feel wanted and liked. I don't know that I've dated anyone who actually liked me. Such a simple thing. I know I haven't dated anyone who loved me. So if you're reading this I'm sorry. I'm gonna try to put down my wall and make it work. Make it up to you, but I might need a little help. That pink rose in the garden has my name on it ;)